Today Susannah is officially 4 weeks old, and I am officially a little stir crazy! I am so dying to get outside in the nice weather and do fun things with my kids, like go to the zoo, or a movie, or swimming. I'm anxious to get back on a tutoring schedule with Spencer, to keep working with Ethan, to teach Jack how to do "money chores". I need to do laundry, shopping, cooking, pay the bills. But, instead I am trying not to "over do it" and doing a lot of "nothing" instead. Really, really boring. And lonely. It would be helpful if Jared was in town, but he's not. I have watched more DVD's in the last 4 weeks than the last 8 months. (Due to the fact that there's not much else you can do while nursing a baby or trying to settle her)
I really love holding her and looking at her, and not HAVING to do anything, so why is it so hard to just "do nothing"? Why can't I just "let go" of the laundry, the dishes, the phone calls, or church responsibilities? Why do I feel this rush to get up and moving again, to get on with the routine of my life? Why is it so hard just to BE? I am really not very good at that. I often wish I could suspend those sublime moments of motherhood so they would stay tangible and retrievable forever, and yet here I am fighting to rush past those moments in the hopes of attaining...what?
There's a song that Jared has on his ipod, and had I the skills I would make a link to it, but the lyrics say:
I'M IN A HURRY TO GET THINGS DONE
I RUSH AND RUSH UNTIL LIFE'S NO FUN
ALL I REALLY GOTTA DO IS LIVE AND DIE
I'M IN A HURRY AND DON'T KNOW WHY.
(Yes, that is a COUNTRY song, Jennie)
Anyone have any thoughts on the subject?
3 comments:
Hello -you asked-so I thought I'd dare to say something- I'm Natalie's cousin. I just had my
5th, too, and since she's my last I'm really trying not to wish this newborn phase past, but it's hard not to when there's not much you can do yet. I've said for years that I wish there was a button you could push that would just take them back to when they were precious newborns, but, alas, it can't be that way. And I'm still trying to catch up with my laundry from when she was born; it's amazing what even one more little person can add. Enjoy her!
I remember the stir crazy!! I feel that after Ashton, I was pushed into doing too much too soon. I wish I could have talked myself (and others) into taking it easy a while longer. She sure is a cute little girl! Looks a lot like Olivia to me, though that may be because she is a girl.
I don't have anything profound to add....just that I know exactly what you mean. I always feel like there is this sense of urgency to get things done, get caught up. I have no idea what that urgency is...but it takes over me sometimes. For me, I think I'm trying to have control of everything and get into that "perfect" phase. But in the process I'm forgetting that my little ones just want to play and experience childhood.
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