3 years and counting...

(What children who aren't watching TV may end up doing instead...)



This August marked our 3rd year of no cable TV. No TV antenna. I read the book "Unplug the plug-in drug" and in desperation to help improve the quality of our home life and my children's education and general well being, we pulled the plug. That's not to say we don't use the television. We have DVD and VHS machines. We subscribe to Netflix. We have the internet. We subscribe to the Wall Street Journal. But WE choose what comes into our home.

This was not our first attempt. But it was the first time it stuck. It was brutal at first. What do you do with all the quiet? The kids thought they would die. So did I. They were so "there" all the time, demanding my attention. (It was very cold turkey the first 2 weeks, no screens period.)

But eventually, something happened. They went outside. They played with the massive collection of Legos I had almost given to Goodwill. They brought out their toys. And played with them. I had more time to read. To put them to bed. To go to bed myself. Before we knew it, it was normal to not have background noise all the time. I stopped feeling like I needed to yell all the time so they'd hear me.

We have some good friends who have never had cable, and I used to marvel at them. They would always say, "I don't know how people have time to watch TV", and I now know exactly what they mean.

I of course waste plenty of time on the internet. There are days I'm desperate to just sit down and "veg out" in front of a screen. But the thankfully, it usually proves to be too cumbersome to make it come to pass, so I am far more likely to spend time doing something I actually care about, rather than procrastinate it.

I really enjoy reading headlines and thinking about what they mean, rather than having somebody else tell me what to think. Baseball games are a lot more fun to listen to than watch on TV. I love my kids not knowing "what they're missing" at the movies, in fashion, in Hollywood. I love not knowing who certain celebrities are, or what movies are coming out. That's not to say I wouldn't love "Dancing with the Stars", and I especially miss the Olympics and the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade. But the trade off for a less clutttered mind is worth it. I am pop culture illiterate, and that's okay with me. I love the silence. I can't stand the noise of TV.

We still haven't reached my utopia of endless book reading, gardening, or model building, but we're closer than we ever had any chance of being that way to begin with. At least we can get homework done, read a book, or just play Uno.

I hope no one interprets this as a self-righteous lecture, I really don't feel that way at all. But if you're looking for some peace in your life, I highly recommend giving it a try!

I am pregnant. Hear me Roar.

This morning I woke up mean.

No particular reason.

I knew something was amiss, but wasn't fully cognizant of my temperament until about 5 minutes before loading everyone in the car for school.

It dawned on me that everything I had said all morning, regardless of intent, came out more like snarl than an instruction or question.

Yes, Jared's been out of town, but he's not usually part of my morning routine anyhow. I had plenty of sleep. When I started crying on the way home thinking of what an unpleasant mother I am, it hit me.

I'm a walking horomone today. I feel tired to my core. I want to cry just thinking how tired I feel. As Susie had gotten up extra early, she went down for her nap early as well and I joined her. I had angry dreams for 2 1/2 hours. (All I remember really is throwing a bunch of dishes at my husband because HE wasn't "mad enough" about something I thought he should be madder about) I woke up still feeling crabby. And tired.

And so I've decided. Even though I must venture out in public to buy sustenance for my family today, I am to speak to NO ONE. I am not to try to redeem coupons, and I definitely cannot go to WalMart (as previously planned). It's all about survival. (For anyone in my path. Kind of like Edward in TWILIGHT)

I will post photos of my earlier triumphs this week. Apparently, all my expended energy to vacuum everything in sight and clean out cupboards/closets you previously could not OPEN, has caught up with me. I need to remind myself why I feel like this, and to console myself that if the kids toy room has looked this bad for this long, it can wait for another day...

This closet was formerly practically impossible to open. 2 bags of trash and one bag to Goodwill later...I could move in.

We'll see how long the "under the sink" magic lasts, but isn't it pretty?

It's the little things really

I'm in love.

With my new vacuum.

Ours died a couple of weeks ago, I declared to my hubby that the time had come to INVEST in a vacuum. (As opposed to the $150 model we keep buying every 18 mos...X the last 15 years...you do the math)

I did my due diligence. Even borrowing some from friends to try out. But today, confused by the mire of internet reviews, I actually stepped into a vacuum shop and came out with true love for $100 less than I was thinking I had to spend.

I spent the afternoon vacuuming. Again. Even after scouring our carpets yesterday with 2 different, expensive, models, this thing sucked up everything that was left and makes my carpets look gorgeous. Glory be, it does hardwood as well, no special adjustments necessary.

I'm so inspired I may actually clean something besides my floors.

It weighs 8 pounds. Has a 5 year warranty, lifetime belt, and free yearly tune up.

Who knew I'd finally reach this point in my life? A vacuum making me so content. (Especially because it's light enough for the kids to do all by themselves!)

Boo!

Jack was a classic. Dream job costume. Spencer? A "smartie" pants.
Illustrating the differences between male and female, "scary guy" and "flower fairy"
Susannah the fierce lion, with her fairy friend.
The ultimate power couple...

Blindness of our Minds

Have you ever wanted something so badly that you were completely blinded by what you were actually doing? You know, the times when you used noble words like "committed", "faithful", "true", "loyal", "right"? Those times when your opinion of yourself and your actions is justified, and even noble. You reinforce your justification of your chosen course by telling yourself that your actions, though "not understood" by people whom you would normally respect, are higher and nobler than they can possibly understand. Our superior understanding of the situation, and more importantly, our intentions gird up and fortify our objective. Hence, we proceed to move forward, blinded by WHAT WE WANT, not seeing the potentially devastating consequences.

I have a LOT of examples of this in my life. I was convinced I wanted to marry a certain young man for whom I'd wasted 2 years "waiting" while he served a mission. Never mind that any logically thinking person could see once he got home and we were together what a stupid match it would be. No. I WANTED IT. There was no reason a girl like me and boy like him couldn't have what we wanted.

Then there was the time I WANTED to have a picture perfect, Martha- Stewart- Envy- Inducing- Cookie -Exchange, and dadgum if I wasn't going to MAKE it happen. I spent hours scouring the internet, coming up with all the right details, including "The Rules". (Any self respecting cookie exchange surely has rules to keep it from falling into the flotsam of a Homemaking Meeting Potluck) So naturally, when a girl I visit taught* called 2 hours before the party to tell me her cookie press had broken, and would it be okay if she came with (gasp) no cookies, I TOLD HER "NO".

So how is it that at this stage in my life I can look to these examples and identify them as times when my mind was "blinded"? What finally "snapped me out of it"?

Sometimes, someone else makes the choice for us. Missionary? HE broke up with ME. (Unthinkable, I know) In that case, reality slapped me hard across the face and gave me no choice but to take it. It was not easy, or painless.

The cookie party? Stupidly, all I got immediately was a twinge of guilt.

It was quickly buried under a mountain of justification. "If she had only planned further ahead she could have avoided this." "It's not my fault her cookie press broke." "It's not fair that everyone else made 4 dozen cookies and has to share them with her, who brought none." "I clearly stated the rules before the party." I even had to somehow bury the fact that there were probably more than 6 dozen cookies leftover and that everyone felt they had more than they would ever use. I managed to not even pack some up and take them to her with an apology. No, I just brushed it under the rug. I sought approval of my atrocious behavior from trusted friend. She gently tried to tell me I probably should have told her to come anyway, but I even managed to eliminate that guilt by telling myself that trusted friend didn't hold the same "standards of excellence" I was seeking for the evening.

I am afraid to report that the incident didn't strike me with it's proper horror until a much later time, when I felt snubbed from a group for not being able to contribute "properly". ("She brings a bag of chips to a potluck where everyone else brought something that took all morning to make? Let's not tell her about our next one...")

So how do we wake ourselves up to the blindness we live in TODAY? How do we avoid creating such misery for ourselves, and people we claim to care about?

I keep coming back to the idea that at the moment I find myself justifying ANY behavior, I am putting the blinders on. If my action was in course with what I knew to be right, or good, or true, I would not need to justify it for any reason. I never have to justify being kind. I never feel I have to justify being generous, or loving, or charitable. In fact, I am rewarded by feeling good. I don't have time to bother coming up with reasons why what I was doing instead WAS good.

What do you think? How have you been woken up to your "blind times"? Is there something blinding you now? Do you know what it is? How do you get out of it?

*In the Mormon Church women are assigned to each other (2 to 1) to look after and care for each other. As a "Visiting teacher" you are to visit or contact the person you visit teach at least once a month to see if she has any needs you can help with, and be a friend in general.

Only for Women who have been Pregnant....

I have this recurring symptom of pregnancy that I can't recall ever having anyone else claim to be able to relate to. Having begun its onset MUCH earlier than usual, I thought I would take an informal survey of my friends to see if anyone else has had this that I just haven't run into yet.

(This just doesn't sound like it's going anywhere good, does it?)

I call it "the wishbone effect". That is, I feel like my legs are the two sides of a wishbone, and my pelvis where they meet. The uncomfortable part is, I feel like someone is trying to break the wishbone. This usually happens while walking around (naturally). I have heard some people say towards the later months they feel like their joints are "wobbly" or "loose", but this is actually painful. Like, my face involuntarily grimaces kind of pain. I've had this before, but never this early.

Anyone?

Seriously?

My doorbell just rang while I was fixing dinner.

6th grade neighbor, whom recently pitched me Happenings books, pizzas, cookie dough, and chocolates wanted to know if I wanted to buy raffle tickets for the homecoming football game.

I said, "No, thank you.'